When Worth Becomes a Number
Written by Maia Thomas
Graphics by Jasmine Flora
As I stay up late at night analyzing my chances of getting into the schools I had just applied to, my stomach only churns more intensely. Falling more profoundly into the wormhole of my obsessive, redundant research, the genuine aspects of my being began to wash away. In my head, if I couldn’t mold myself to match the other applicants perfectly, I was nothing.
I know very logically that one admittance to a university can’t possibly define one’s worth, success, and respect in life. I also know that schools are most often looking for something that stands out in a person. I have always been a believer in the idea that intelligence cannot possibly be determined by one benchmark. Despite this, the sense of gratification that comes with knowing that I could be a part of those who are “good enough” to get into somewhere highly prestigious is bitterly intoxicating. I have caught myself loathing everything about my application rather than focusing on moving forward with life after working relentlessly over the previous months. Even after getting my first acceptance and knowing I was going to college somewhere, I had zero relief. I needed to get into a school with a lower acceptance rate. I needed to be a part of that percentage. However, as time has passed throughout this process, I have realized how flawed that thinking is.
It is no secret that college admission is competitive. In many ways, the numbers that make up your academic achievements are a significant sign of your standing with a particular institution. Although the criteria for who gets into a specific school have become much broader to include more factors, there is still work to be done. With things like GPA, class rank and standardized testing being a regular part of the systems raising children, it is difficult to foster values and beliefs based outside of that.
Growing up in a society that favored and cared for those with higher test scores, grades, and better reputations taught me many terrible thought processes that forced me to see less of myself. But it also taught me the undeniable importance of individuality. If everyone worked tirelessly to remain on top by one arbitrary standard, we would not have people who changed the world. Constant competition for something that ultimately does not matter creates intense burnout and a continuous feeling of inadequacy. If we all operated under these pressures, nothing would get done. There must be people who are willing to go against the grain.
It makes sense that change must come from all perspectives. From an evolutionary standpoint, uniqueness breeds powerful and necessary development for population survival. In the same way, originality of thought and the drive to make a difference for the sake of being genuinely passionate about it breeds a highly conscious community with free-thinking, acceptance, and diversity. That community includes those who never had the chance to go to college, those who didn’t choose to pursue a university education, those who failed most classes in high school, and certainly those who didn’t get into a school like Harvard.
Of course, going to a prestigious school and having a running list of recognized accomplishments is something to be extremely proud of. Most often, those who do fit that description go on to do crucial things for our world. But it isn’t the case for everyone. No one path is the right one, and each story has a different, but equally important, meaning. To say you have to be among the top academically to be respected limits the willingness to see those outside of that standard.
The notion that one must have the highest status to be even remotely successful is unproductive and deeply mentally destructive. While I am guilty of placing immense pressure on myself to fit that picture, I have slowly grown to realize a double standard in my thinking. If I can accept others for who they are and see value across all aspects of their being, why shouldn’t I be able to in myself? In an even more relevant sense, why should one individual evaluating my person on paper be able to tell me my value across the board? It is crucial to understand that finding purpose must come from within. Acquiring the confidence to know and validate your worth regardless of what others are doing or what cruel voices tell you requires persistence. It requires more than competing with others to fit an idea of self-value. It requires a connection with yourself. It requires unlearning ways our world has taught us to be a carbon copy of someone else.
Rejection is inevitable. There will always be someone better than you at something, and that’s okay. One college, career, or personal let-down cannot define you if you don’t let it. What so much of our society forgets in a fast-paced, ruthless environment is the need for growth and learning. Getting to the top means nothing if you can’t say that you became better for it. It is hardly about reaching that point but about how you evolved in the process. Value is more than status and fitting into one stereotypical definition of it. Value is broad, fluid, and deeply personal. Value is not a number but the accumulation of who you are. Ultimately, your value is what you make of it. Because trying to fit everyone in one box isn’t working out.
I don’t know where I will end up for college or the rest of my life. What I do know, however, is that this isn’t the end of my journey. At the end of the day, none of us know what we are doing except to make the most of what is thrown at us. That shared cluelessness brings us together and shows how much we need each other to bring our worth to the table in all forms. Everyone deserves a chance to be the best they can be on their terms and by their definition, and no one can tell you otherwise. Not even the devastating letter that regrets to inform you.