The Outskirts of the American Dream

Written by Aidan Vu

Identity and mental health must have some form of equilibrium to maintain one’s welfare. Conflicting with your identity deteriorates your mental well-being while an unhealthy mental state draws you away from your true self. This is re-emphasized in the experiences of queer youth from immigrant families where mental health is a taboo subject. From my personal experiences between mental well-being and family and other youth with similar circumstances on the perturbing topic, the conversation on mental health cannot succumb to the depths outside societal norms. It puts generations of queer immigrant youth at risk of cycles of unawareness and struggle. 

Coming from an immigrant household, the concept of mental health has always been seen through the perspective of an illegitimate illness. In their eyes, a mental condition is simply a fictional sickness or delusion that could be solved automatically. The symptoms are a figment of the imagination that isn’t comparable to any other physical health disorder. This is especially with older generations, having difficulty grasping the seriousness of a mental disease and pushing their traditional and cultural understandings. With the use of religious reasoning, claiming to combat internal “demons,” or blatant undermining language, it leads to further doubt, fear, anger, and sadness. So, the intergenerational gap between parent and child in immigrant households living in America is divided by age, culture, and communication for proper discussion.  

John Esteban Catano Molina, a high school senior who came to America around middle school and identifies as queer mentions a particular topic stemming from mental health. Esteban, his preferred name, explains, “A typical person working in Colombia can earn around 1 million Colombian pesos which equals to around 280 dollars a month, and in which wages decrease a lot more each month. This has impacted and shaped me into developing an entrepreneur and self-made person/characteristics.” Esteban also struggled with the education system in the United States, especially having to learn an entirely new language and feeling isolated because of it. The circumstances of coming to America as a young immigrant also impact the education you’ll receive in higher education, affecting future jobs and economic stability as an adult. Our ability to adjust and adapt ourselves can only occur in a few moments in the United States before we are swept by the agonizing pressures of its societal expectations and rigid structure in education and the workforce. Being self-made becomes the cast, which doesn’t necessarily fit all of us and binds us to compliance whether we like it or not, inducing stress and burnout. 

To turn to a shared mental experience between many queer immigrants is the concept of imposter syndrome. It can be summarized as a sense of suffocating self-doubt. Esteban states, “I define imposter syndrome as the ghost that destroys your ability to find pleasure after the incredible things you’ve done. It is what deceives your thoughts, making you believe you are not enough and you need to push your limits to perfection. I felt devastated that no one taught me about that. How could I express my feelings and desire for success but no one took 5 minutes to teach me what to do and how to do it? My world crumbled and I constantly felt my heart beating itself to death. My thoughts simply killed me. ‘I am not enough.’ ‘I am just another immigrant.’ ‘There are no opportunities for me.’” Imposter syndrome becomes so entwined into our mindsets as queer immigrant youth, especially becoming more familiar with the competitiveness of American culture. For me, imposter syndrome became so connected with my diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD, which stemmed from the COVID-19 pandemic, that it set unrealistic high standards of perfectionism. It drained my concept of reality to keep up with other students in America in all fields of topics. From being at the top of my academic class to participating in endless extracurriculars, time for relaxation or myself was not prioritized. Imposter syndrome acts as a disease that slowly turns self-support into self-contempt or criticism even when achieving high goals for oneself. Imposter syndrome pushes our finish lines further and further away when we think we have reached a target, thrusting our exhaust past its capacity. 

Esteban continues to speak on being openly queer coming from an immigrant family, specifically what it has molded him into, describing that “Besides the challenges of being an immigrant, being queer in a Hispanic family has contributed to affecting my mental health. There has been the constant thought of trying to change to not disappoint your family. Not being able to talk about your feelings with someone you’d wished to understand hurts a lot. My own self has become my own friend. I am the one that hugs myself, I am the one that calms myself, and I am the one that reassures myself that everything will be okay. This is because I know my parents wouldn’t understand. In addition, my opinion on the queer community in Houston is that it is not big. Living in a conservative state has had many challenges in expressing oneself.” This is a similar situation to my childhood in an Asian household, which constantly was based on self-reassurance and self-reliance. Queer immigrant youth become their own form of support living in America with a small community to turn to for guidance. Balancing so much at a young age heavily influences our mental health, causing immense stress and hindering all forms of socialization just to get by. It also forces much pressure to conform to societal norms and promote living unauthentically. The experiences we face at a young age spurred the question of if the highly eminent idea of the American Dream meant living on a thread and playing a character built from pleasing others. 

Is there a solution to this mental health crisis? Yes. It starts with the issue's roots, which are destigmatizing mental health between our families and maintaining continual discussion on the subject. Having small integrated talks about one another’s day makes a big impact in the long term. Next to families is having more frequent conversations with friends, teachers, and others on the topic. Normalizing the dialogue on mental health is how we create awareness on the subject across queer immigrant youth. Rather than forcing upon this notion to commit to oneself for everything, bringing into line emotional and mental health talks installs and expands necessary support from others. It’s time to reimagine the actuality of the American Dream to encompass an equitable and inspiring environment for queer immigrant youth.

Cover photo: Gillian Levine via Dribbble